(archived post from Friday January 28, 2011)
Its been such a long time since I’ve been online writing and sharing myself both personally and professionally. I have twice now, deleted what I wrote and have been second guessing what I wanted to share since its been so long. Or, maybe its because I don’t want to have to rehash anything that has happened to me in this month that would cause me to be upset or have to relive some feelings.
Whenever the new year comes around, I get really excited! I get so pumped to put 110% into my career and go get em! I’ve felt this in years past but noticed I didn’t have that same drive this year as year’s before. Why? Where did the drive go? I was really nervous and scared because I thought for a second that I may have lost my passion! But, I didn’t know where it had gone or why it had left? Would I ever get it back, or would I have to create another passion? But I didn’t want to create another passion! This is what I was passionate about!! Was it mixed feelings about being away from KC, Lucky, my home, commitments, agents, iO, my improv girl group? (these were all running through my head)
But, I found the drive as soon as I got to LA! So it was never gone, it was just being suppressed by feelings of travel, being away from my comfort zone and having to make choices about what is best for me. Over the past 3 years, I have been working on “me” and what’s best for “me”, my life and where I want it to go. FOREVER I was doing what was best for other people and what was going to make their life easier while I suffered the grunt of sacrificing what I wanted to do. And even when I did this, this little voice inside me was always talking to me and saying “YOU’RE CRAZY” or “HUH?” or “This is NOT what you REALLY want to be doing!” I’m happy to say that today, I no longer close that little voice off. I listen to that inner voice and it has guided me, built my confidence, and allowed me to trust….me.
So as I was saying before, as soon as I got to LA, I got my drive back and it has been a successful month. In the course of 2 weeks, I’ve attended a star studded event, met a new acting coach who excites me and ENCOURAGES me to just be me and trust my own voice, performed a kick ass scene in front of some of the heaviest hitters in the biz to accolades of praise, and found ways to not spend as much money living out there. This is all because I put myself first, and my goals first.
I have to thank Dallas Travers for inspiring me this month with her January seminar. Everything she said was so clear, and reaffirming for me. I have to credit her to some of this success because it really was the jump off point.
Wow, this is really scary for me to put out there something so personal as this because I usually dedicate this site to only professional things. And as I look back at this, I think, is this really what I wanted to write about? Well, it came out, scary as it is, and hopefully it can help someone else.
Jen LaForte 